Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
