Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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