She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
