I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
