haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
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there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
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I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
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I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
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