Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
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