He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
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