Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
