So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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