Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
