Non-Jews are for practice
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
