Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Randomize
