that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
