I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
