Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Randomize