I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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