Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Randomize
