first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
