so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
