his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
