A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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