East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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