I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
