When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
organizing the empties. That sober.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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