he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
