You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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