Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize