I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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