My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
