So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
