My balls are so social today.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
