I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
