i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
