He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
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