If i come over, it means nothing
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Randomize
