i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
