with your own penis?
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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