Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
someone owes me an orgasm
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
