Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Randomize