Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Randomize
