It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
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