I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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