i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
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