Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Everyone says I win the strip club
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize
