I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
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