hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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