We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
We are all done wearing pants today
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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