Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Still dying that you shit outside
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
