There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I'm getting married
To pizza
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
