the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
