Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I believe in your delicious
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
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