I think I died a long time ago.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
