did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
