i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
