Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Randomize
