your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
