Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Randomize
