sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
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