I just saw a hot homeless man
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
God, you're like boner-b-gone
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
