Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
