honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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