I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
