I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Randomize
