I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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