its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Randomize
