"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
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Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Just high enough for therapy.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
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Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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