so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
