Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Randomize
