I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
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