I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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