so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Randomize
