She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Randomize
