yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
