I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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