Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
