Plan B is the new Plan A
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
