We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
