I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
