Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
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