All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
