I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
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