in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Randomize
